You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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