I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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