Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
She's like a pop up book from hell.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
