You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
