i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
