I puked a lego.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
he was CRYING into my vagina
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
