I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
