Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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