we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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