you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
