I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
