I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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