I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
