I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Even my vagina gasped.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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