no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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