If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Randomize
