Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
