while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
