just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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