At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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