I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
