also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
