I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
