At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
