Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
