ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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