I cockslap morals
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I will pee on everything he values.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
