Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
