Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
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