im gay
i know
yea but for you.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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