Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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