I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
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