I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
