Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
