The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
