I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
