Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
