You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
