R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
