Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
