also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
