Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
