How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Randomize
