im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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