im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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