apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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