He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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