Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
