Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
