so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
