oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Operation Purity has been aborted
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
