Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
