So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
