I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
