the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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