And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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